I've been engaged since January of this year, and since then it's been nothing but wedding talk and thoughts and choices and decisions and on and on and on, it's pretty hard to stay sane! I've been pretty secretive about what I'm doing and how everything is going to look. I want everyone to get the full effect of the entire experience when they walk in and see it all for the first time.
With that being said, it's hard to lose focus of what to use my energy on. It's a learn-as-you-go process, so I'm doing this completely blind for the first time and consequently learning some pretty valuable lessons.
Here's what I've come up with so far:
1. When you make a decision, make the decision. Don't regret it, don't think twice, and just let it go once it's done. In the world of Pinterest and Etsy and other websites easily accessible, this has proven time and time to make things extremely difficult for me. I'm already bad at making decisions as it is, so this is proving to be one of my worst nightmares! If you have a dress picked out, don't keep looking at dresses (duh)! Same concept for just about everything regarding a wedding-ha!
2. Do compromise. Usually this day is mainly (and stereo-typically) about the Bride. What is the Bride wearing? How is she going to look? What type of flowers does the Bride have? Oh SHE looks so beautiful. And let's be honest, wedding planning just isn't a guy thing, so when it comes time for something that the Groom can actually be involved in, make sure that it's fun for him. And I'll be honest, I haven't been the best at compromising. And I feel really bad about it. Example: Registering. It's a lot harder than it looks. How can you compromise with your Groom over a place that you can both enjoy picking out stuff that you each want? News flash-it's probably never going to be agreed upon 50-50. And of course I had my mind already set on things that we would need (since being in an actual house instead of apartment is eye opening), so the first night that we went in to BB&Beyond, I was straight lined into only scanning these things I had pre-set in my mind that we were going to do. I just said "we" were going to do, thinking for the both of us. And I shouldn't have done it that way. Instead of enjoying this time with each other, I was so focused on going row by row making sure I didn't miss anything and being a scanner hog, and pretty much ruined that first experience. The next time we went to do some scanning (this time at Target) I refused to hold the scanner and let Robert (who tried multiple times to scan my backside) lead the way, and it was a much more enjoyable experience, especially with the huge fountain mountain dew that he got half way through. That's the secret-right? Get them something to eat and drink and you're good for at least half an hour ;)
3. Respect other's opinions. Doesn't mean I have to agree with it, or even like the opinion. And doesn't mean that I'm a bad friend because we don't agree on something. This is an exciting time for everyone around me and my Groom, so of course everyone is going to be asking a lot of questions and offering up suggestions (Why are you doing this? When I was your age, there was no such thing as save the dates....). Just have to smile and accept it. It's mine and Robert's wedding day, not anyone else's, so we will do what we want to do regardless if you agree with it or not. I've been trying to some extent to keep some traditions alive, but will also be adding/changing somethings that an older generation aren't used to seeing. And that's the evolution of a wedding 30 years ago vs. a wedding today. Things change.
4. Do ask for help if you need it. There are plenty of people who have done this before, and fortunately in this day and age I am one status update away from asking for suggestions on cake or photographers. I haven't gotten to the point where I really need someone's help yet (it's all still a vision in my mind or Pinterest board), but I know I have a good group of bridesmaids/friends that will be there when I do need it. And some are already offering help-which is great. I just don't have anything yet!
5. Don't compare yourself to others because you will set yourself up for disappointment when things don't go the way you want. Don't use someone else's wedding as a blueprint for yours. Come up with your own ideas, or put your own twist on things. There are a lot of trends right now that I'm seeing multiple times (and even want to use some!) but be your own Bride and your own wedding and make it about YOUR day, instead of comparing it to others. (but so-and-so had this happen at HER wedding...so what! Make it happen YOUR way on YOUR day!) And it's not copying. The same ideas are everywhere these days, and endless opportunities to make it unique.
6. Don't sweat the small things. If you can't make a decision on something, put it away, don't look at it, and re-visit it later after you have time to clear your head before it causes unnecessary wedding induced stress. I'm currently going through this battle where I just can't make up my mind on something (ok-it's bridesmaids gifts). And I wanted to punch my computer earlier because of it. So I closed all tabs, went on to something else, and will look at it later, maybe tomorrow. I just want things to be perfect, but I know the stress of finding that perfect thing isn't worth it.
6. Don't sweat the small things. If you can't make a decision on something, put it away, don't look at it, and re-visit it later after you have time to clear your head before it causes unnecessary wedding induced stress. I'm currently going through this battle where I just can't make up my mind on something (ok-it's bridesmaids gifts). And I wanted to punch my computer earlier because of it. So I closed all tabs, went on to something else, and will look at it later, maybe tomorrow. I just want things to be perfect, but I know the stress of finding that perfect thing isn't worth it.
I'm sure there are plenty more lessons for me to learn, especially since we haven't reached the home stretch just yet (that's when the real fun starts!). Outside of being a Bride, there are also some things that I've seen happen and also personally experience that I wanted to "share" constructively as well, I'm sure every other Bride here has gone through the same struggles: *these are not directed to anyone personally
1. Do NOT ask the Bride/Groom when they are going to have babies. I understand it's the natural progression of what comes next after marriage, but really it's not anyone's business or decision but the Bride and Groom. I get that people are excited-trust me, so am I! But it's just one of those things where I feel like it takes away from the joy of just us two being together. Let us enjoy the engagement and wedding day and our friends and family and let us make that decision privately later on down the road. I promise-everyone will know when it does. I respect your opinion for how long you think we should wait or not wait, but you can find out along with everyone else when it happens!
2. Don't ask the Bride and Groom if someone is invited or can be involved with the wedding party just because. It's hard enough deciding on a guest list that accommodates the likes of both families and sets of friends, and it's even harder when there are budget restrictions and venue space to consider as well. We would love to have everyone we know be involved, but unfortunately money doesn't grow on trees, and I don't want a huge wedding. It's nothing personal 95% of the time, it's just how it's playing out based on our budget and venue choices. This also applies to the RSVPs and adding on extra peeps. The extra pressure to please everyone is a total buzz kill and I shouldn't have to feel bad about it on our day.
3. If something goes wrong the day of the wedding, please don't let the Bride know. Chances are I (she) will have way too much on my mind anyway, and probably won't even notice if something is a little off. Do yourself, and everyone else, a favor and zip it.
4. Also, when the Bride and Groom are doing their first dance, father/daughter, mother/son, cake cutting, speeches, and toasts, please don't talk and carry on a conversation. I was at a wedding recently and I thought it was so rude that people were not only talking during these events, but really not even paying attention and the only reason I knew this stuff was happening was because I feel like it's an important part of the reception. These are special moments, and I think they deserve the acknowledgment.
I'm sure there are plenty of other helpful Do's and Don'ts to touch on, but those are at the top of my brain right now and good things to be cognizant of whether you're just a guest, or apart of the actual wedding. I know it's going to all be worth every headache in the end, and I can't wait! :)
3. If something goes wrong the day of the wedding, please don't let the Bride know. Chances are I (she) will have way too much on my mind anyway, and probably won't even notice if something is a little off. Do yourself, and everyone else, a favor and zip it.
4. Also, when the Bride and Groom are doing their first dance, father/daughter, mother/son, cake cutting, speeches, and toasts, please don't talk and carry on a conversation. I was at a wedding recently and I thought it was so rude that people were not only talking during these events, but really not even paying attention and the only reason I knew this stuff was happening was because I feel like it's an important part of the reception. These are special moments, and I think they deserve the acknowledgment.
I'm sure there are plenty of other helpful Do's and Don'ts to touch on, but those are at the top of my brain right now and good things to be cognizant of whether you're just a guest, or apart of the actual wedding. I know it's going to all be worth every headache in the end, and I can't wait! :)
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